So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
