Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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