nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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