I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
