I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
