You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
