Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
