This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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