I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
