its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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