Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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