really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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