There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Its about making memories worth repressing
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
