Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Randomize
