My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
