Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
