if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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