did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
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