Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
