Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
