I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize