I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Found the puke drawer
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
