i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
