it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
