Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
