We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
