Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
