paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
