Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
It's rum buckets o'clock
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
