My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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