this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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