You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
