I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I wish I only lived at night.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
