the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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