I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
