I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
