she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
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