Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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