Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
