As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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