Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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