i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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