Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
The best revenge is premature balding
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
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