if i can run in heels then i can drive
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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