Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
