from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
