She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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