he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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