I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm like, not good at living.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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