I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
