I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
