you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
