He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
