so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
