so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
