I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
