I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
