I can tuck mytits in my pants
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
