Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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