Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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