i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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