imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
