there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
