dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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