I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
