i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize