If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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