I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
