I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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