I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize