I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
