i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
