wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
