i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Randomize
