and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
