dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
