Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
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