party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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