It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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