u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
