Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
