If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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