I got chris browned last night
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
