Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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