I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
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