piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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