Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize