What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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