yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
