If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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