Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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