So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
