my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
