is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
