It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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