can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
