Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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