you guys were way drunker than both of me
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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