This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize